Posted on | August 29, 2012 | No Comments
The journey through a successful child rearing must start in the beginning with the parent. What kind of children will you bring up? They will probably be much like yourself. As you wade through this humpy and bumpy journey of child raising allow me to share some roads signs that has helped me and my wife with our own journey.
Road Sign Number 1. Each individual is unique. Treat your children differently according to their personality. Anyone with several children recognizes well that each one is a separate personality, distinct and different from others in the family, and responds differently to the same circumstances. Some are quite timid, and need a lot of loving encouragement. some are boisterous and irresponsible and need a lot of firm discipline and structure to keep them on the track. Still others are already quite conscientious and self-disciplined and need help in developing creativity and freedom of self-expression. The basic of right and wrong remain the same for each, but the application to each personality is different.
Road Sign Number 2. Gradually move away from control to responsibility. A football coach takes a green recruit and teaches him some basics in a relatively sheltered atmosphere, gradually exposing him to more and more of the rough and tumble, with continual practice, until finally he is able to enter the game. Even then, the coach will continue to stretch him further by encouragement, instruction, and correction, with increasing exposure to the tougher parts of the game, until he is able to handle himself well. The coach has this produced a good player who can stand the hard knocks and think his way through new and different situations.
Road Sign Number 3. Treat your home as the best learning environment for your children to be successful. The main responsibility for training the children in the way they should go is not placed upon the schools, nor the community, nor the churches, as important as each of these institution may be. The one institution that has by far the most time with and influence upon the child is the family., and more specially the parents. Each of the others may have good influence. The school provides academic discipline which is vital to an effective, productive life. The community provides a consciousness and sensitivity to the human need, likewise valuable to balance in life. The Church provides the spiritual dimensions to life, a set of values, a consciousness of right and wrong, and a personal faith in a living God.
Each of these is vital to happy, productive, and useful life. But none of these has the same opportunity as parents in the direct planting of attitudes, values, philosophy of life, habits, temperaments, sense of responsibility, dependability, etc.
- Children watch what their parents do and copy their actions.
- Children hear what their parents say and tend to follow their ways of saying things.
- Children even senses what parents feel and absorb many of these feelings as their own.
Road Sign Number 4. No one else is most important to your children development than you. Small children usually do not compare their parents to others, as they are in no position to do so. No one else is that important to them. Only when they become teenagers and reach out to other kids do they begin to compare, to any great degree, how other parents behave. By this time however, many of the patterns are deeply set within and come out in later adulthood as behavior of the individual himself. No wonder that a child who grew up in a home with a lot of violence and abuse will tend to become an abusive parents or spouse himself later on. The values which he has learned from his parents become his own values. Both positive and negative values or traits can be carried on for generations, passed on from parent to child without even thinking about it.
10 years ago, I have had the opportunity of talking to a young man of 18, who ran away from home because according to him his father is just not a good parent. And he kept telling me that, when he had a family of his own, he will not be anything like the way his father raise him. A year later, he married his girlfriend and had their first daughter after a year. Fast forward to the present, that young man ends up exactly how his father was to him. He complained that his father has another woman, and didn’t love them enough. I just learned that he too slept with 2 other women aside from his wife. And that he has been spending more and more time away from home rather than taking care of his 3 children.
Honestly, do you want your children to be like you? Are you happy with yourself as an individual?
I will be writing more about the characteristics of successful parenting in the days following. Visit us tomorrow.
P.S. always share the love.